i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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