New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
