never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
