what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
