I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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