Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
