It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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