she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
