If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
