I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
