The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A+ Viking dick
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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