I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
