I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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