My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
