we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't deserve a penis
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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