Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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