To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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