I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
