His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
