I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
so much tequila, so little girl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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