I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
