how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
