all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
