I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am available for nakedness
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
