I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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