dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
