I want to have your abortion
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
