Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
