I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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