Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
