Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
