hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
