she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
