I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
