I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
