yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
