16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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