Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
