I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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