Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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