I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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