My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think my moral compass just broke
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
