Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
