Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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