i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
