i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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