wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
