Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
