Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
