Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
